I've been a little slow at "starting the new year" or making a big New Year post. I've got to admit that I'm not feeling overly festive this year. Honestly, I didn't feel the excitement of New Year's eve... honestly it just felt like another day. I'm used to spending the new year alone and have my own rituals and routines, but this year hit a little bit differently. Once known as a motivational, look at the upside of things kind of girl, I'm finding myself in a little bit of a different spot this year.
I've spent the last couple of days watching all of the "New Year New Me" posts encouraging everyone to get up and start fresh, and realized I'm feeling something a little bit different this year. If I look back at my previous new years, they were often similar to the posts I'm seeing.... Looking back at the previous year for lessons and making plans and hopes for the next year. However, I think what 2020 and 2021 have taught me is that any well made plans can be disrupted without any fault of your own. 2020 started with such excitement and such big career goals, and I thought I was on track to make big moves and big changes.... that is until March 15th happened and everything changed from there. 2021 started off tough, but it seemed like things were looking a little bit more optimistic. Things had changed and I had accepted those changes, and things seemed to be back on track through struggle and pivoting, things seemed to be going right.
But, Here I am at the beginning of 2022 after two years of a lot of loss and struggle. The end of 2021 disappointed as much as the previous two years. I had plans for travel that ended up falling through, and a season of holidays that was ok, but I once again celebrated new year's eve alone after having plans of celebrating it with a friend on a beach. To top it off, I woke up New Year's eve to find my car had been vandalized with a part being stolen to make it unsafe to drive. So, I'm now stuck home with a car that is undrivable and car rental companies that are closed for the holiday weekend. I can't help but think the best plans and intentions mean very little if you can't handle the life that the world is throwing at you.
So, here I sit alone in my pj's on January 2, 2022 writing my blog for the New Year trying to figure out what to think and what to say. After years of New Year plans, birthday wishes, best intentions, and goal manifesting, and trying to do "all of the stuff and things", I'm leaving that all behind this year. After two years of a pandemic and mental health that needs a little bit more support, this year I'm going to focusing on Contentment. I've got no plans, no goals, no dreams or wishes. I can't change the world that is around me, so this year I will focus on being content with what is. I'll be honest, there is A LOT that I'm grateful for, even during the last two years. I'm healthy and safe in my home and have a support system that has been taking good care of me even during this time. So.... even though my plans and dreams may not have been manifested, I've got so many great things that I'm blessed with. So... in 2022 instead of looking for more or feeling the need for big changes, I'm going to take the lessons of the past two years of slowing down and focusing on what is instead of needing to make more or focus on what might be, I'll focus on what is.
It's weird not being able to jump in my car and go out and do things, but I'm going to try to enjoy the forced slow down and try to fight off the anxiety by going out for a walk.
My word for 2022 is Contentment. What's your word?