Boundaries

This is such an important topic but one that took me a long time to figure out. There are times in my life that I’ve suffered with severe anxiety. Little did I know what anxiety really was, and even more so I didn’t know how to protect myself when I was feeling it. What I did learn during that time is that the only thing that gave me relief from the anxiety was removing the cause from my life. I still feel aspects of it when a specific person or situation presents itself, but I know more now how to separate myself from that situation. I’ve also learned that I’m an highly sensitive person, and being in these situations made me feel more than my body was capable of handling at one time.

Since then one very important thing that I’ve learned is that I need to protect myself and my own mental health. If I feel threatened, silenced, belittled, or when my voice is not heard, I have a very difficult time connecting to myself, so what I need to do is separate myself from what is causing the stress. More recently, I’ve learned the importance in the positive influences and how I can prioritize those while separating the negative with boundaries.

Let’s be honest, people will treat you how you let them treat you. Even though I’ve heard some people may think that I’m cold, harsh, or difficult to get to know, this is probably because I’ve had to set a boundary to protect myself from something that they said or did. I don’t trust easily, but when you get to know me I open right up and will communicate openly how I feel, and I will go above and beyond to do anything that a friend needs… anything. I don’t want my friends to be sad or upset so I will take them lunch, surprise them with little gifts, or just sit and listen when they need to vent.

However, I’ve learnt that I need to be careful with who I let in because at times I’ve noticed that I let people take advantage of me. Friends who have been close have not supported me in the way that I’ve supported them, and then I start to feel resentful. I can’t blame this on them as they are just being who they are, but I need to remember that I need to set a boundary for myself so that I don’t overwhelm what I need and set up unrealistic expectations of someone who won’t support me in the same ways.

During covid life has been difficult, I’ve had to stop watching the news to create a boundary between me and overwhelming information. Some days I can’t respond to texts, and other days I can’t open my emails or social media. What people don’t understand is that we all do this, and we all need to do this sometimes.

We need to set boundaries and protect ourselves from overload of information…. It might not always be negative information, it might just be more than we can process at one time.We never know what other person is going through…. if they haven’t responded to you, maybe they are just setting a boundary because they need you to step back, or maybe they are setting a boundary because they are overwhelmed and need to step back. Either way…. respect the boundary that they are setting and reflect on whether or not you need to set some for yourself. Boundaries are not bad. They help us take care of ourselves when we need that time, but they also teach others that they can no longer expect us to be a certain way. Setting a boundary is respecting yourself.

This is such an important thing but one that took me a long time to figure out. There are times in my life that I’ve suffered with anxiety. Little did I know what anxiety really was, and even more so I didn’t know how to protect myself when I was feeling it. Since then one very important thing that I’ve learned is that I need to protect myself and my own mental health. If I feel threatened, silenced, belittled, or when my voice is not heard, I have a very difficult time connecting to myself, so what I need to do is separate myself from what is causing the stress.

More recently, I’ve learned the importance in the positive influences and how I can prioritize those while separating the negative with boundaries. Let’s be honest, people will treat you how you let them treat you. Even though many people may say that I’m cold, harsh, or difficult to get to know, this is probably because I’ve had to set a boundary to protect myself from something that they said or did. I don’t trust easily, but when you get to know me I open right up and will communicate openly how I feel and I will go above and beyond to do anything that a friend needs… anything. I don’t want my friends to be sad or upset so I will take them lunch, surprise them with little gifts, or just sit and listen when they need to vent.

However, I’ve learnt that I need to be careful with who I let in because at times I’ve noticed that I let people take advantage of me. Friends who have been close have not supported me in the way that I’ve supported them and then I start to feel resentful. I can’t blame this on them as they are just being who they are, but I need to remember that I need to set a boundary for myself so that I don’t overwhelm what I need and set up unrealistic expectations of someone who won’t support me in the same ways. During covid life has been difficult, I’ve had to stop watching the news to create a boundary between me and overwhelming information. Some days I can’t can’t respond to texts, and other days I can’t open my emails. What people don’t understand is that we all do this, and we all need to do this sometimes.

We need to set boundaries and protect ourselves from overload of information…. It might not always be negative information, it might just be more than we can process at one time. We never know what another person is going through…. if they haven’t responded to you, maybe they are just setting a boundary because they need you to step back, or maybe they are setting a boundary because they are overwhelmed and need to step back. Either way…. respect the boundary that they are setting and reflect on whether or not you need to set some for yourself.

Boundaries are not bad. They help us take care of ourselves when we need that time, but they also teach others that they can no longer expect us to be a certain way. Setting a boundary is respecting yourself. Log off your computer. Leave work at work. Tell people when they are overstepping. Shut off the TV. Take care of yourself and choose things to fill your time that fill your soul.

xoxox Nicole Leona