Friends are the Problem

Friends are the Problem

Everyone has a suggestion or a comment about how or why I’m single.  Some people say I need to “lower my standards”, some say that “I need to do online dating”, some say that I need to “get out more”.  As much as I might agree that some of these are true, I find it interesting that people who know very little about me seem to think that they can “fix” my single status.  In the end I have lowered my standards, to an extent of course.  I don’t have an exact grocery list of items that I expect a potential date to have.  On the other hand, many people don’t know that I am actually turned down or broken up with more than the opposite.  I go on dates, I go on a lot of dates.  I have fun and interesting conversations.  Sometimes this leads to a second date, but in the end it is typically the guy who doesn’t call back or who decides to end it.  Am I doing something wrong?  Perhaps, but who’s to say what is right and what is wrong when it pertains to my life and my future? Why would I want to fight for those guys who simply weren’t interested enough to even take the time to get to know me?  Is this wrong?

In the end what I’ve determined as my main problem….. is my friends, or rather my lack of friends.  I’ve never been one to have a lot of friends, or one who is super social.  This is not to say that I don’t have friends, I have some amazing people in my life, many of which I call friends, but in the end they all have their own lives, and I have mine.  My life consists of me and my cat.  I go to work, where I have some amazing coworkers, many of which I call friends, but who are all very different than me.  I am at least 10 years younger than most of my work friends.  So, you can imagine that their life position is much different than mine.  We work together, and some of us do visit and get together outside of work, but in the end they have families or spouses who take their main priority…. and I have my cat.

How does one at 36 make new friends who are willing and interested to go out and do things that I’m interested in when I truly have never really ever even had a best friend.  I guess you could say I had one, we met in kindergarten, but that expired sometime in high school when I got a boyfriend, who if I’m honest is probably the one true best friend that I’ve ever had.  Friends are complicated.  Without having a best friend who knows my fears, my dreams, and is there at midnight when I just want to talk about a date that went really bad, I have no one.  I know that sounds harsh, and I do know that I’ve got people in my life…. but I don’t have a person.

The friends I’ve had over the years have since moved away, gotten married, have kids, and or have just disappeared over time not to be heard from.  In the world of social media there are a vast amount of people who I guess I could contact, and who are technically listed on my page as friends, but none who call just to see how I’m doing or who really have any clue how I feel at any given time.  So… if the best way to get a date is through friends…. I think I’d have to figure out how and where to find friends first.

I’ve done a lot of things purposely to meet people.  It’s not like I haven’t tried to make friends I’ve taken courses, signed up to fitness class, I’ve talked to random people, I’ve gone to events that I’ve been invited to (even when I really just wanted to be home in my pjs….with my cat) and still… I end up home in my pjs without options and no one to call.  I’ve met a lot of people, some very interesting that make for good friendships, but in the long run those friends too have moved to different countries, met someone to marry, and/or ended up totally looney!

There are a million sites for dating, and believe me I’ve tried most of them, but how does one find new friends at  36?  Or are friends even really needed when ultimately looking for a husband or a true life long best friend?.  I guess some day I’ll be that girl who befriended someone just to disappear into my own world when I get married?

Friends… Is that what I need to help me find my future husband?

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